Disney fucked us all. I don’t have any content today so I’m just going to do an “expose” on our Disney faves versus the original Authors versions. Warning, this will mar your childhood. Let’s start with the Brothers Grimm. The Grimm brothers gave us classics like little Red Riding hood, Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and the Frog Prince. However, some of these stories contain a few details that are pretty fucked up Disney definitely had to leave out.

Number one, Cinderella. We all know how the story goes. A girls mother dies, she lives with her dad, he dies, step mum, ugly step sisters, maltreatment, some magic, Prince Charming magic shoe, ladida. There was no fairy god mother in the Grimm version, Cinderella just shouted “Shake, shake, hazel-tree, gold and silver over me!” And her pet birds dressed her up, awesome right? Apparently her father and mother were alive, she was just quite a disobedient cunt who was punished by having to do house chores. Not so much of a role model? It’s gets worse, Cindy plays a three day charade with the prince, magic trees and that (if you want details read the book). But on the third day, the prince finds her shoe and decides to fit them on every woman in the town. Dear old sisters are ordered by their mother to cut their toes off to fit the shoes.“Then both the sisters were overjoyed to hear this; for they had beautiful feet, and had no doubt that they could wear the golden slipper. The eldest went first into the room where the slipper was, and wanted to try it on, and the mother stood by. But her big toe could not go into it, and the shoe was altogether much too small for her. Then the mother said, “Never mind, cut it off. When you are queen you will not care about toes; you will not want to go on foot.” Yeah it gets worse (assuming by now you’ve caught the hint that it was a gold slipper not glass) Cinderella feeds her own mothers eyes to her pet birds after she’s married to the prince. Ugh. Not so much of a sweetheart huh.

Moving on, Sleeping Beauty. So, I don’t know what Walt Disney was thinking when he wrote about an innocent princess sleeping and getting kissed and vilifying poor Maleficent. But here’s actually how the story goes. Aurora(Briar Rose)s mother, the queen, rescues a tiny black fish that had thrown its self out of a river. The fish then blesses her with a child, a princess. A year later she’s born, they have thirteen fairies but just twelve golden dishes so they can only invite twelve fairies. I think they invited them in order of names and the one they HAD to leave out just had to be the fish. The uninvited fairy comes in black instead of white, with a broomstick instead of a wand and curses the child to die on her fifteenth birthday. In my opinion, she should have killed her instantly. What? We worship a God who DEMANDS thanksgiving, and you think some mythical creature should go around giving out children and be cool with no thank you and being left out of a party? Please. Anyway, the thirteenth fairy manages to revert the death to sleep and all spindles are banished. The princess is pricked regardless because someway somehow her parents decide it’s a good idea to leave her home, alone on no other day than her fifteenth birthday. We all know what happens from there, she sleeps a Prince kisses her and wakes her up. No? No. Basically no one was able to get to her except one prince that got there exactly 100 years since the curse. He basically has obstacles fall off in front of him and goes on to “kiss” her. She wakes up and they get married and live happily ever after. I did forget to mention that she was married in her sleep and was only woken by searing pain of labor. So much for true loves kiss.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s