There’s beauty in pain. From masochistic tendencies, to sadism to childbirth, even in education, there’s a sweetness that lingers when the pain goes away.

Metal heads and gym rats preach no pain no gain. But what’s the point to pain if there’s no gain? I yawned a little and bit the inside of my cheek just now. Hard. There was no sweetness to it just dull pain and now I have to live with it a few days having to eat, and rub pepper in that little tooth sized cut.

Pepper in wounds, that the main reason I’m here though. Imagine sitting in a room full of people who take their lives and privileges for granted. Imagine sitting in a room, without an arm, and watching able bodied people downplay the importance of arms. There’s a pain to it that doesn’t go away.There’s a pain to having to work side jobs and sell your body to survive, and having children born with silver spoon in their mouths look down on you.There’s a pain to watching a position you’ve so worked hard for given away to someone else because you have no friends and you’re always last pick.There’s a pain to failing papers you studied for.That kind of pain has no gain does it? That kind of pain, gives you nothing but misery and heartache and self doubt.That kind of pain has you beat and tired of life. But what if the afterlife does not make it better?Imagine suffering on earth and ending it. Only for a God to exist and condemn you to eternal damnation in brimstone because “Thou shalt not kill”.

But where were you when I cried out for help? You see my tears at night and ignore. You see me kneeling on altars. Tearing in my eyes. My voice sore from shouting in tongues and praying all night. And where were you? Where were you when I needed to pay fees? Where were you when I went to bed hungry and so when I ate in the morning there was pain in my stomach?Where were you when I went to bed and it rained and I had no windows so the rain poured on my bed? Where were you when my father slept on the floor so I could sleep in a bed?

I’m supposed to be righteous to be blessed. I’m supposed to be holy. To pray and to endure isn’t it? “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”Romans‬ ‭8:18‬ ‭

Is that it? A Christian must suffer?

My chest is aching. My hand is shaking. But if you’re reading this, and you’re feeling in the least dejected, downcast or sad. Stick with me a little longer. In the next post, I’ll give you Gods answers to our questions. If you have any questions, leave a comment. I love you, God loves you and I look forward to the next post.


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