Everyone asks “why sustain” and honestly, I thought of it in under a minute. And if you asked me this a year ago, when I got it, I’d just say “We move”. But it’s deeper than that. I just didn’t think my answer would be a whole rant.

Anyway, when people hear suicidal, they hear lazy, ungrateful, exaggerating sometimes even narcissistic. But it’s far more than that. It’s exhaustion. Extreme exhaustion. The universe is a puppeteer and you dear reader, are a puppet. Dancing with aching feet, out of breath, thirsty and in need of rest. But the drums keep beating. The wheels keep turning. FuckING TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO man.

And the anxiety, gosh the anxiety. It’s a full theatre. Spectators everywhere with high stakes. You’re someone’s creation, another’s investment, another’s husband. Or , you even have puppets of your own. And they’re all depending on you. Planes will fall out of the sky if you don’t submit that assignment.

It takes a lot of energy to rip those layers down and tell your self it’s just an assignment. But then again. I’ve seen a 0.1 gpa difference between a third class student and a student with a second class lower.

At a point you get tired, so if you’re not coping in some twisted fucked up way. Be it Ouid, alcohol, or pills or even weird orgies, (I dont know I’m just saying). You’re probably trying to kill yourself or thinking about it or contemplating it or even imagining the cold bliss of death for a split second. The problem is, the stakes are high. 50% you do die 50% you don’t die. (Whether or not by your own hand.)

So if you wake up, and you aren’t dead yet, ( attempting suicide or just sulking), you’ll have to dance to this beat. The one your heart makes. And if you’re not working hard and grinding. It never gets better. So, yeah. Suck it up. We move. Can’t say “we move” in a tatt, so it’s sustain innit?